EMS Medical Terminology
ART: Assuming Room Temperature
AST: Assuming Seasonal Temperature
Arrythmia: Living an alternative rhythm style
Blurrections: Unintelligible directions to a call (e.g. "hang a left where the old schoolhouse used to be")
Breathanol: A gaseous, still-potent form of alcohol found wafting from the mouths of certain EMS frequent flyers
Defibrochism: The need to test the defibrillator out on one's self
Docklings: A whole bunch of baby interns or residents following the attending physician through the hospital corridors
DRT: Dead Right There
EMD: Early Morning Discovery (Woke up dead)
FACBP: A Fellow of the American College of Bystander Physicians; can easily be identified at any emergency scene as he shouts orders (typically "Hurry up!") at EMS personnel
FTD: Fixin' To Die
Glovidue: Stubborn white powder marks left on dark uniform pants or the steering wheel after surgical gloves are removed
Gravitational Disassociation: What intoxicated people experience when they fall
Hypovolemic: Volumetrically challenged
MARPS: Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals
Medimutes: Patients whose relatives feel compelled to answer all questions for them
Opscultate: To visually measure a patient's vital signs without actually taking them
Optic Analitis: When your optic nerve is connected to your anus affecting your outlook on life
Positive Samsonite Sign: Victim request an emergency response. On arrival, victim is standing at the curb with his suitcase packed
Spazner: Any frantic relative at the scene of an emergency who gets in the way and generally makes things worse
Spooge: Sticky residue, usually of organic origin; may be found on poorly cleaned backboards, laryngoscopes, and other medical equipment, or on ambulance armrests
TTA: Temporary Transient Alzheimers (sometimes suffered by EMS personnel)
TBC: Total Bone Cruncher
Vein: Conceited
VDRT: Very Dead Right There
VIP: Very Intoxicated Person
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